April 2010
“Do this for me, Brett...” Cooper took a step forward.
"Anything” Brett felt the urge to reach out and hold Cooper in his arms.
He closed the gap between them.
Cooper rushed forward and took Brett’s lips with his own.
Brett felt the urgency in his touch. Brett let him kiss him and he returned the kiss with the same fire. Cooper's fingers clutched Brett's shirt. Brett opened his eyes to find Coopers’ eyes shut.
He was forcing them shut.
Breaking the kiss Brett leaned back.
“You sure?” Brett asked.
“How can you even ask me that?” Cooper said taking a step back.
“What? Coop...I don't want you to be like this...” Brett took a step forward.
“Like what?” Cooper asked his voice rising a little.
“I’m sorry...Cooper...I am so sorry” Brett whispered.
“Why are you apologizing?” Cooper asked.
“Brett...I only need one thing” Cooper said. “It’s you” he added.
"Don't make me beg" Cooper said, his voice down to a whisper.
Brett's heart dropped. "Coop...You don't have to" Brett took Cooper's face in his hands. "I’m so sorry"
Brett's eyes began to tear up. This wasn't their last day together but it would come. Brett placed his arm around Cooper's head, his fingers slowly running through Cooper's short dark waves.
Cooper's eyes were on his, unblinking, Brett wondered whether he was with him.
"Coop..." Brett mouthed, his lips lingering on the others cheek.
Cooper blinked and his eyes refocused on Brett. A small smile appeared across his lips.
Cooper placed his thumbs at the corners of Brett's eyes. "You have tears in your eyes"
"I know" Brett smiled.
"I don't want you to cry" Cooper whispered.
"Never cried in my life" Brett spoke kissing Cooper lightly on the lips.
"I doubt that" Cooper smiled as he followed Brett to the couch.
There he cuddled up next to Brett. Brett held Cooper until he fell asleep in his arms. He wasn't sure whether he imagined it or not but as Cooper's eyes closed, the words 'I love you' were whispered in his ear.
Despite the terrible day, Cooper fell asleep happy because Brett was there next to him by his side
---
Cooper wasn't sure how he had fallen asleep but waking up in the middle of the night didn't do him any good. Everything came rushing back in, thoughts drowning his mind.
He was under a blanket. Brett was asleep next to him. No matter what he tried to think about his mind always ended at one place. He couldn't get his heart to stop hurting. He calmly removed his naked figure off the bed. He leaned against the window as his eyes adjusted to the dark.
It hurt. God it hurt. At night it got to him. All dark things came to him at night.
Cooper turned around. His eyes landed on Brett's sleeping form.
Not knowing hurt. But knowing hurt even more. No matter what people say. He watched as Brett's fingers ran across the empty space he had been on. Brett stirred alittle when he realised he wasn't there.
Turning his head, he slowly sat up.
"Cooper?" Brett's voice sounded alarmed.
Cooper couldn't help but smile despite his pain. Tell him. He told himself. Tell him how you feel.
“Brett” Cooper spoke.
Brett's eyes landed on him. “Thought you were asleep”
Brett got up and walked over to Cooper.
“Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?” Cooper spoke embracing Brett.
Brett smiled, his lips on Cooper’s neck.
“Now you have”
“I don't want you to leave me” Cooper said. “I can't ask that of you. But I want you to know that I want you here, by my side”
Cooper had so many things he wanted to say to Brett.
“I know” Brett stroked Cooper's neck with his fingers. “I know. Coop, I know everything seems like it's going against you, going against us. But things will be okay in the end”
Cooper leaned back a little. “Will you be there at the end? Fuck! I'm sorry” Cooper looked away.
“Hey Coops? Coop?” Brett turned Coopers face towards his. “Do you remember the first day? The first time we were together?” Brett spoke, he wasn't sure how he was managing to hold it together right then.
Trying to focus on Brett’s eyes, Cooper nodded.
“Do you remember what you said that night?”
Cooper never thought Brett had heard those words. He was sure Brett had fallen asleep.
“You asked me whether I love you”
Brett smiled seeing the surprised expression on Cooper's face.
“I love you” Brett whispered.
Coopers’ eyes stopped on Brett's. He pulled Brett onto him and rested his head on Brett's shoulder.
“I love you” Cooper whispered against Brett’s skin.
I always will.
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