The Photo Shoot

Inspiration is everywhere!!

"Nick, I need you to put your left hand on his cheek and your right hand on his waist." The photographer calls.

Nick blinks.

"What?"

"Time is money, Nick! Do you want this shoot to turn out well or not?"

"But…"

"God! Don't be a diva ok? Just trust me and do as I say!"

Nick looks at Justin, who shrugs. He does as he was told, hands tentative on Justin's skin.

"Now Justin, I need you to put your hands on Nick's waist and GET CLOSER, both of you! Geez, I'm sure neither of you has fleas!"

They gather closer until their chests are almost touching.

"Good. Keep on looking at each other like that! Yes! Brilliant!"

Nick feels his heart beat gathering speed in his chest and fights down the urge to blush. Justin's looking at him, faintest of a smirk on his lips, hands firm on his waist.

"Alright, now, lean closer with your heads. Almost like you're going to kiss. No, Nick tilt your head the other way. Keep your eyes on each other. Justin, move your hands lower. Right, good. Hold that."

"Going to kiss me?" Justin whispers. Nick's hands shake, his palms sweaty.

Justin leans closer and breathes him in. Nick holds still, not daring to breathe.

"Oh fuck! That's hot!" The photographer calls out, camera clicking away.

"What are you doing?" Nick hisses.

"Getting in to character." Justin replies, hands sliding under Nick's jumper.

"We're meant to be ourselves!"

"Exactly." Justin says and Nick can hear the grin in his voice.

Nick pulls back a little, eyes narrowing. Two can play this game. Then he ups the ante and leans forward to kiss Justin, who to his credit is only surprised for a second before he dives in to the kiss. Nick grips his hand in Justin's hair and goes for broke.

When they pull back there is a stunned silence in the room. The photographer is watching them, camera hanging forgotten in his hands. There is an sort of a glazed expression on his face that Nick finds worrying.

"Right," Justin says, licking his lips "I knew there was something we were forgetting."

Nick pulls back, running a hand through his hair.

"Umm…"

"What do you say we find a more private place and you two could...let me watch...for the sake of my art of course."Comes the offer from the photographer who is starting inch closer.

Justin laughs. Nick backs away, pulling Justin with him.

"No, that's fine. We're done here right? Good." And without waiting for an answer and not meeting anyone's eyes he grips Justin's wrist and practically runs out of the room.

He hesitates at the door, looking back at the photographer who looks like someone kicked down his sand castle.

"You...er… didn't take any photos of...that did you?" he asks, mentally preparing himself to take drastic action if he had.

The photographer's lip actually wobbles.

"Please come back...we'll do this again and I can...add you to my collection. That'd be a great honour for us all. Oh dear God, let me get you on film!!"

Nick brings up a hand to ward him and the words 'add you to my collection' away.

"No thanks." He says and leaves, pulling Justin behind him, who is laughing like this whole thing is actually funny.

He pulls Justin in to an empty room, closes the door, makes sure it’s locked and turns on him.

"What's so funny?" he asks, cornering Justin against the door.

Justin grins at him.

"Oh come on, Nick! That was hilarious! Did you see his face?"

"Do you know what would have happened if he'd taken any photos of that? If any of them had gotten out?" he almost yells.

Justin's grin fades.

"Nick..."

Nick breathes in deep. He knows he's guilty. But he isn't trying to play the blame game. It's just that he gets so worried sometimes because of what happened before. He just doesn't want any more scandals in his life. Now or ever. And Justin understands that. Because he reaches out pulling Nick closer.

"It's okay. Nick, nothing happened. Nothing he can prove anyway." Justin holds his eyes until he nods.

"Yeah...I guess. I just don't want…" Nick buries his head in Justin's shoulder and holds tight. He feels Justin's lips in his hair.

"I know," Justin whispers, "I know."

"What was he trying to do anyway?" Justin whispers a moment later, "Was he trying to get me to kiss you cos' that's the only logical end to that whole scenario that I can think of."

Nick smiles against Justin's skin.

"The only logical end?" He repeats.

"You. Me. Proximity. Those things equals me trying kiss you senseless."

Nick laughs.

"You realise that we have all those things right here too?" he asks, voice coy, wanting to take things further now that they don't have an audience.

Justin grins.

"The only logical end."

The End.

My Own Two Hands IV

Remember when it rained

I felt the ground and look up high

And called your name

Remember when it rained

In the darkness I remain

---

It was raining that day. Like only it can in Brisbane. Sheens called a premature halt to training and the boys had trudged off to the lockers, wet and muddy already. Billy was lagging behind all the boys and just before he entered the tunnel leading to the rooms he turned around. And there he was. Standing in the pouring rain in the middle of the ground. Looking up at the goals. Ready to kick for goal.

Johnathan.

Billy watched him as Johnathan took his customary four steps back. Lightning flashed across the sky, almost immediately followed by thunder and Billy took an involuntary step forward, out of the safety of the tunnel and in to the rain. Johnathan took aim and kicked. Billy smiled as the ball sailed through the goals, splitting the middle. Johnathan laughed, jumping in the air, elated. Billy took another step forward and Johnathan turned and saw him watching. Billy held still as Johnathan walked towards him. When he stopped in front of him, Billy could see the water running down Johnathan's body, his face, eye lashes dripping wet. Lightning flashed again. Johnathan reached up to cup the side of his face with one hand. Billy held the brown eyes and felt Johnathan's hand shake.

"Brave the storm?" Johnathan said.

Billy smiled and drew closer.

"Always."

---

He can't forget.

He thought it would get easier with time. It doesn't. Not when he sees Johnathan everywhere, in every black line of ink on skin, in the sound of laughter and bright eyes. In every crowd, around every corner and it kills him because he's disappointed every time. Rational has nothing to do with it because he knows rationally he's better off now away from the person who broke his heart. But he's beginning to realise what he needs now for his heart to heal is the one person who broke it in the first place. That doesn't make any sense at all but when he asks Cam about his end of year trip to London, he knows without a doubt it's the right thing to do.

---

Wash away the thoughts inside

That keep my mind away from you

No more love and no more pride

And thoughts are all I have to do

He hates it all at the start. Hates the city. The people with their ridiculous accent. Hates the cold and the rain. The city is covered in a layer of snow when he first gets to Leeds in January. He nearly freezes to death waiting for a taxi outside the airport.

The Super league season has already started and he gets put to work immediately. Not that he minds. It helps him take his mind off things. So he throws himself in to training and gives himself no time to think.

He likes the team. They're a well glued bunch with Sinfield as captain. But he keeps to himself most of the time. Can't throw off the shackles of his previous life. Not yet. He doesn't want to either. He’s never known himself to be so masochistic before.

He's staying with a team mate until he gets used to things. Zak Hardaker. The kid is probably ten years younger than him, gifted but a non-stop talking machine. He doesn't mind. Means he doesn't have to say much. Just listen to Zak go on about anything and everything. Sometimes he reminds him of someone but he squashes those thoughts as soon as they come.

He thinks he's doing alright. The media hype that rose up when he first got to the club dies down soon after as he keeps his head down and the club wins all of its matches that he plays in.

Cam calls him every month. Tells him the news. Asks him if he's alright. He misses Cam. But he hangs up every time Cam mentions Billy. He can't bear it. Not yet. Time heals all wounds. And he knows given enough time he'll come to forget he had any other life than this.

---

"I thought you came here to get away from it all. To leave it behind you."

"I did."

"Then what?"

"I'm not very good with...relationships."

"I'm not asking you to marry me. Jesus! Was that why you...is all of this because of some girl?"

"No."

"Some guy?"

"Listen, Zak, just...stay away from me if you know what's good for you."

"Don't be so fucking dramatic! And don't treat me like some delicate flower! This is your chance to move on. I don't care about whatever happened before. I don't care that you think you're no good for anyone. I've told you what I want. Make up your mind about what you want. I'm not going anywhere."

---

Zak knows Johnathan is damaged. He'd looked him up when he found out they'd be house mates. He'd seen all those photos of a man with a smile Zak knew could light up a room. But every smile he'd seen on Johnathan's face so far has never reached his eyes. Never that beautiful bright smile he wants to see. So he'd set himself a mission. To get that smile back. To help him move on. To maybe find happiness himself. His mom would laugh and call him obsessed. Maybe he is. But maybe he doesn't care.

---

In the end it's so easy. To fall in to step with Zak. The first time they kiss, he feels as though he's betraying Billy all over again. Except he's not. He knows he's not. And Zak runs his hands through his hair and whispers "Let go" and he does. Longing for the past won't make it come back. He needs to move on.

---

Zak takes him to the Leeds festival in August. The season's not finished yet but lucky for them they're playing at home for two weeks in a row. It's a three day festival but Zak takes pity on him and only drags him out two of those days. It's nice actually. Beautiful sunny autumn weather and he loves the colours and the dancing and the freedom of the whole thing. They buy ice cream and watch the parade pass by on the street. He watches Zak, all bright blue eyes and smiling mouth and joy. He is beautiful. And for the first time in a long time he thinks maybe he can be happy here. Maybe life wouldn't be as miserable as he might have once thought. Zak catches him watching and kisses him. Johnathan tenses for a moment before realising that today of all days, no one cares. And he lets Zak wrap his arms around his neck and draw him closer.

There is live music in the evening and they find a spot on the grass and sit. Zak lies down on the grass with his head in Johnathan's lap, occasionally reaching a hand up to steal some candy floss from the massive stick Johnathan has in his hand. He cards through Zak's short hair with his free hand and smiles as Zak closes his eyes with a contented sigh. He remembers once when Billy had fallen asleep on his shoulder on the team bus during one Origin series. His arm had lost all feeling by the end of the ride but he hadn't moved an inch. He pushes the memory away. It's in the past now. He takes a deep breath, leans down and kisses Zak on his forehead.

Zak opens his eyes.

"Alright?" he murmurs.

Johnathan smiles and kisses him on the lips.

"Yeah. Alright."

Zak grins and reaches up a hand to touch his face.

"Good."

We seem to going in unexpected directions! Shall be continued in chapter V. The lyrics are from Remember when it rained, by Josh Groban.

Written Across the Stars drabbles

These are little drabbles that fit in to my Written Across the Stars verse.

Drabble no.1. Before the events of the main story. Winter of 2006.

"JUSTIN!!"

Dal was snapped out of his shock by the sound of Nick's voice. He followed Nick who sprinted past him towards Justin who lay unmoving on the ground meters away. The Bulldogs player, was that Giansiracusa?- was already sitting up. Their trainers had arrived and were huddled around Justin's prone figure when they reached him.

He heard Nick's sharp intake of breath when he saw Justin, blood covering half of his face and not responding to anything the trainers were doing. He held Nick back as he tried to get closer and one of the trainers snapped at them to stay back. Nick looked like he was about to punch the guy in the face but subsided when the stretcher arrived. The others had arrived and were standing around them in worried little groups, some of the boys giving Nick concerned looks.

"They'll look after him, Nick" he whispered.

…

A skull fracture. They doctors told him it could have been so much worse. But Justin was lucky, they said, he hadn't lost any brain function. He had raced to the hospital after the game. He'd let Dal drive because there was no way he was in any fit state to drive. He'd fled past the nurses and doctors and patients, until he'd found Justin, asleep with his head half obscured by white gauze. He'd nearly cried then. He had been so scared. And the relief almost floored him. He was going to stay. Stay with Justin until he woke up. Until he opened his eyes and smiled at Nick and Nick could be sure that he was okay.

Drabble no. 2. The last time they ever saw each other. Nick was never going to go without a goodbye.

Justin doesn’t invite him in when Nick knocks on his door that night. And it hurts. Even after all this time, even when he's almost convinced himself that there was never a time when they had shared a home together. But Justin smiles like he's pleased to see him and Nick believes him, sees the truth written in his brown eyes.

"Hey," Justin says, closing the door behind him. "Are you alright?"

Justin is standing too close but Nick doesn't step back. He doesn't want to. And that is their problem. The reason why he's here. He'll always be coming back to Justin. For as long as he's alive.

"I'm fine I just…" he reaches out for Justin's hand but halts mere inches away. He needs permission now. He needs permission to touch something that is ingrained in to his very soul. Justin reaches out and takes his waiting hand. Nick takes a shaky breath and Justin leans closer, his free hand coming up to rest on Nick's shoulder.

"Nick?"

It takes conscious effort to not cross the short distance between them and…

"I just wanted to…" Nick ducks his head, feeling Justin's fingers rubbing gently across his neck.

"I wanted to see you." He lifts his head, hair falling away from his eyes in time to see Justin's breath catch.

Justin pulls him closer until their heads are resting against each other.

"I miss you too."

Nick grips a hand in Justin's shirt and they stay like that for a while. Not moving, not speaking, just breathing together, heavy hearts filled with regret.

"I want you to know …" Nick leans back a little, eyes roaming over Justin's face, "You've made me happier than anyone,"

"Nick…"

Nick draws back, out of Justin's reach.

"I just need you to know that."

Justin takes a step forward, face wracked with pain.

Nick holds up a hand.

"Don't. Please." He tries to smile. He fails. "If I could ask one thing before I ...don't forget me, please if you could…" He takes another step back. There are tears in Justin's eyes, mirroring his own.

"Goodbye, Justin." He turns around, ready to walk away.

"I won't," Justin says behind him, "I won't forget."

Nick nods. It's dark but he's sure Justin can see him. He walks away and maybe he hears Justin whisper 'I love you' in to the night but maybe that's his own voice finally letting go of those words.

Life must be depressing at the moment. Seem to be writing so many sad things. Oh well. Muses must be obeyed for good or ill.