Was watching the Broncos game on Sunday. Justin was brilliant. Couldn't help this.
Justin
saunters towards Jharal, who is partially leaning against the lockers watching
the boys. The crutches hang loosely at his sides and he's drawn up his hoodie
to cover half of his face. But Justin knows he's got Jharal's attention. He
always gets Jharal's attention. And the shirtlessness can only help matters.
He
stops infront of Jharal, who lets the crutches drop, letting the lockers behind
him take all his weight. Justin lifts a
hand and pushes the hoodie away from Jharal's face.
"Miss
me?" Jharal asks with a smirk. Justin grins, leans in and kisses him.
"Always."
---
Justin
helps Jharal in to the bath and crouches down next to him. Jharal reaches out a
hand to touch his face.
"This
is hurting you."
Justin
keeps his eyes fixed on the tiles on the floor.
"Justin,
you can't do this anymore."
"I
want to do this," Justin looks up, "I want to be here."
"I
can look after myself. You don't have to..." he knows the words but don't
want to say them.
"You
can't bloody look after yourself! Don't ask me to leave because I won't. I'm
not leaving you."
Justin
gets up and walks towards the bathroom door. He looks back at Jharal.
"Don't
ask me to leave."
---
The
wedding doesn't change a thing. At least not in Justin's mind. Now there are
two people he loves most in the world.
He tells her about Jharal. She says she is fine with it. And she is. At
the start. But then Jharal gets hurt and Justin starts to spend so much time
with him. Because he has to. Because Jharal needs looking after and Justin
doesn't trust anyone to look after him properly. There are weeks when he
doesn't go home for days. Days and nights with Jharal wrapped in his arms. With
Jharal crying and moaning in pain. Justin can't leave him. She should understand
that. He would do the same for her. But she is angry. And he tries to explain
it to her. He does. She throws her wedding ring at him and screams that maybe
he married the wrong person.
And
Jharal sees. He could never hide anything from Jharal.
He
knows what Jharal is trying to do. To save him the trouble of making that
choice. The choice that he'd been putting off. The one that he never wanted to
make. Jharal wants to save him. But Justin doesn't know if he wants that. He
twists his wedding ring absently as he looks at himself in the mirror. He looks
terrible. The bags under his eyes reminds him that he hadn't gotten proper
sleep in weeks. He hears a splash from the bathroom. Jharal must be trying to
get out of the bath by himself, the fool. He should know. Justin has no
intention of leaving him.
---
Justin
is as gentle and slow as he can be as he kisses Jharal between his shoulder
blades as he nears his climax. Jharal is gasping and talking and rocking back
against him and Justin loves him. From that first day when Jharal walked in to
his life until this exact moment, Justin loves him. He treads his fingers
through Jharal's hand that is gripping the sheets and Jharal twists his head to
look at him. Justin kisses him between uneven breaths.
Jharal
props himself up on an elbow and looks down at him afterwards. Fingers gently
tracing under his eyes. He holds
Jharal's eyes when Jharal finally looks at him.
"I'm
sorry," Jharal whispers. Justin sighs. He doesn't want to talk about this.
Not now.
"I
remember when I first got to the club and I was so nervous and barely talked to
anyone. And you came over and threw an arm around my shoulders asked me if I
wanted to get lunch. Justin, I don't want to be the one that ruins you. I can't
have that on my conscience. You mean too much to me to let you sacrifice your
life for me."
"You
think I'll have a life if I leave you?"
Jharal
leans down, "yes," he whispers and kisses him. Justin pulls out of
the kiss.
"So
you don't love me anymore? Is that it?"
Jharal
flinches back.
"That's
not true!"
"Then
what?" Justin yells, sitting up facing Jharal, "I love you. And I
won't leave you. So if you're doing this because you somehow think that I won't
choose you then you can stop! Because that's never gonna happen."
There
are tears in Jharal's eyes and Justin's anger is gone in a heartbeat. He
reaches out, scooting closer to Jharal and wraps his arms around him. Jharal
stays tense in his arms for a moment before resting his head on Justin's
shoulder. Justin can feel his tears wet
on his bare skin.
"I'm
sorry," he whispers, "Jharal, I'm sorry."
"I
love you," Jharal whispers, "don't ever think that I don't."
---
Jharal
is gone. He left Justin a note. Like that would make any difference. Like that
helps. Like that would stop Justin from looking for him.
Justin,
I'm
going away for a while. I need to get my head in order and I can't do that in
the city. Maybe it'll give you time to sort some things out as well. I'm sorry
to leave without telling you. But this is something I have to do. I'll be fine
so please don't worry about me. Look after yourself, get some sleep. I'll find you when I come back. I love you. Goodbye.
J.
He
searches everywhere. Asks anyone who might know, pleading and threatening and
desperate. But no one knows anything. Jharal is gone. He lets his life derail
for awhile. But time passes and order reasserts itself. He goes to training.
Plays the game with a new intensity. Goes home to his wife. Things go back to
normal. Except there are times when he forgets himself. A smile, a flash of
dark eyes or a certain tilt of a head and he remembers that things are not
normal. Not for him. They won't be normal until Jharal comes back.
The end (probably).
