Four nations aftermath

Wrote this after the final game.

"Where is he?" Cameron asked the trainer, who nodded towards the lockers. Cam found him curled up in a corner and his heart hurt so badly. This was never meant to happen.
He sat down beside him.
Cam didn't know how Brent knew it was him but Brent leaned in to him without even looking, head on his shoulder. Cam could feel him shaking and wrapped his arms around him.
"I'm here" he whispered and he could feel the tears on his skin and wished he didn't feel so helpless.
No one was staring but he knew the boys were watching. And he knew they were feeling as helpless as he was. What could you say to someone who might have played his last game? There were no words. Cam kissed Brent's hair and held him as he shook in his arms.

***

Billy sat next to Cooper and sighed.
"It might not be as bad as he thinks"
Cooper looked at him.
"Maybe. I hope so. But sometimes you just know right?"
Billy looked at Cam and Brent and felt his heart break for them, felt his heart break for Johnathan.
"Next year was supposed to be a good year"
Cooper wrapped an arm around Billy.
"Life's shit sometime, Bill"
Billy looked at him with a sad smile.
"I know"
***

Broke my heart to see Brent Tate at half time. Hope he can comeback sometime next year. Wish the Cowboys a better year next year :)

Ashes and Wine IV

Happy Birthday to Yellowleaf! Here is the last chapter of Ashes and Wine in the honour of this wonderful and glorious day :D

***

“Hello, gorgeous. Can I buy you a drink?”

Dal blinked and looked up to find a man leering at him.

“Um...”

Then he felt arms wrap around him and his first instinct was to pull away but then he heard the voice at his ear.

“No, you can’t! So fuck off” BJ said, glaring at the man.

“I wasn’t asking you”

“Well he’s taken, so get lost alright!” BJ said, pulling Dal closer to him.

The man glared at BJ, looked longingly at Dal and walked away.

“I’m taken?” Dal asked, not turning around.

BJ’s arms around him loosened but remained on his waist. Dal turned to face BJ.

“Dal...”

“Dance with me!” Dal said softly. BJ grinned.

“No way!”

“Come on, BJ, you never dance with me” Dal pleaded, dragging a half hearted BJ towards the dance floor.

“Correction, I don’t dance with anyone” BJ said, eyeing the mass of dancing people with distrust.

Dal turned towards him, slipping his arms around BJ’s neck.

“But I’m not anyone, am I?”

...

He kissed him. He didn't know why he did it. It was muscle memory. Instinct. Because this was Dal and he'd done it so many times before. As Dal melted in to him BJ realised he'd missed this. He wasn't supposed to but he'd missed this. And he knew, even if he would deny it, that Dal had a place in his heart. He couldn't ignore it. Not anymore.
When he drew back from the kiss, he knew he was in trouble.
"BJ...?" hope and fear laced Dal's words and BJ reached up to grip Dal's face with his hands. He touched their foreheads together and breathed.
"We shouldn't....be doing this"
Dal's grip on his shirt loosened and BJ stepped back.
"Goddamn it Dal! I can't be in love with you. I can't!"

“BJ...” Dal tentatively drew forward, resting his hands on BJ’s chest.

BJ gripped Dal’s hands and looked up at him, whose blue eyes were filled with memories and were so familiar that BJ had leaned forward without realising.

“You’re so-“ he didn’t get to finish because the next thing he knew his lips were caught up with Dal’s and he’d forgotten what he had been about to say anyway.

“WHAT THE FUCK?”

They flew back as if burnt.

Justin stood framed at the doorway, surprise quickly giving way to anger. But BJ only had eyes for Lenny. Lenny, who had come in behind Justin was looking at him with wide, dark eyes and he remembered the last time he’d seen this expression on Lenny’s face. BJ had been angry then. But now he could only feel the hollowness of despair as he watched everything he loved disappearing behind the shadows in Lenny’s eyes.

“Len...?”

Lenny flinched and stepped back. Nick appeared behind Lenny just then and Lenny almost walked right in to him in his haste to leave the room. Nick jumped back to avoid a clash as Lenny rushed past him. Nick took one look at the room to understand what had happened, shared a glance with Justin and walked straight out after Lenny.

BJ had taken a step forward after Lenny but froze when Justin looked at him.

“What the fuck do you think you can do?” Justin asked angrily.

“Justin...” Dal began quietly.

Justin turned his angry eyes towards him and Dal shrank back.

“Don’t talk, you idiot! What were you thinking?”

“It’s not his fault” BJ spoke out.

“No, I’m sure it was all you! Because he’s not such a moron to get involved with an asshole like you!”

...

The room was a mess. Broken glass, clothes and other random things strewn all over the floor. Lenny was sitting on the bed, head in hands.

“Lenny?” Nick asked hesitantly.

Lenny looked up revealing a tear stained face.

“Oh, Len” Nick sat down next to Lenny and wrapped his arms around him.

Lenny burrowed in to him and Nick felt the tears soaking in to his shirt.

...

“I asked you not to play with his feelings. Especially after what happened with Aaron. Do you know how hard it was for him to let you in? But he did because he loved you. He did because he trusted you. And you go and do this! I thought better of you, BJ. I thought you were better”

...

BJ looked up as Mini came to join him on the stairs overlooking Moorabbin oval.

“You here to yell at me too?”

Mini laughed, sitting down next to him.

“Nah. Enough people have done that already I think”

“Yeah, well...” BJ looked up at the sky with a sigh.

“What are you going do, BJ?”

“I messed up man. What can I do?”

“Come on, BJ! You’re going give up on him so easily?”

BJ looked at Mini in surprise.

“You...?”

Mini grinned.

“I remember when we first got to the club, you followed him around and your excuse was that you wanted to learn from the best”

BJ smiled, remembering.

“Then he asked you why you didn’t follow Harves around instead” Mini looked at BJ, expecting BJ to finish the story.

“He was more than good enough for me” BJ whispered softly.

“More than good enough”

BJ glanced at Mini.

“When things went south with Aaron, I thought if it’d been me, I would never have hurt him like that. But I did. He was the best thing to ever happen to me and I hurt him worse than anyone”

“Everyone makes mistakes, BJ, even you”

BJ shook his head.

“He trusted me and I let him down. How can I come back from that?”

...

“The look on his face...” Dal sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“The look on his face when Lenny saw us...” he laughed.

“Like he’d been caught committing the worst crime in history”

Justin watched him.

“What do you want me to say, Dal? You know how he feels about Lenny”

“He loves me too!” Dal cried.

“He loves me too and I know...I know he’d choose Lenny over me every single time” he went on in a voice about to break.

Justin stood up and went to kneel in front of Dal, sitting back against the wall.

“What am I doing, Justin? What the fuck am I doing crying over someone who would always love someone else more than me?”

“You know what you need to do right?” Justin asked quietly.

Dal sighed, thumping his head back against the wall.

“I know. I know...” he sighed and looked at Justin.

“I wish you’d whacked me on the head when this all started. Would have saved everyone a lot of trouble”

Justin grinned.

“And risk killing what little brain cells you have? No way! The coach would never forgive me”

Dal laughed and mock punched him on the arm.

“Shut up man! Not funny”

“Come down to the farm with Nick and me for a few weeks”

“What?” Dal asked, surprised.

“The country air will do you good”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to mess up the holiday for you and Nick”

“You’re a part of our plans, idiot!”

“Really?”

“That’s settled then” Justin said, moving to sit next to Dal on the floor.

Dal leaned in to him and Justin wrapped an arm around him.

“Thanks, Justin” Dal whispered.

Justin kissed Dal’s hair and settled to wait.

...

“Lenny’s my friend” Dal said softly.

BJ remained silent, watching Dal who fiddled with the curtains as he looked out the window.

“And you love him” Dal said, turning to face BJ.

“You love him so much more than me”

BJ held Dal’s blue eyes but said nothing.

Dal laughed.

“We’re such fools!”

“Dal-“

“Don’t! There’s nothing either of us can say to make this better. BJ-“

Dal walked up to stand in front of him.

“We both know what we need to do. So...” Dal’s breath hitched and BJ fought against the urge to touch him.

He watched as Dal took a deep breath to steady himself. His blue eyes were clearer when they looked up at BJ.

“Go back to where you belong, BJ”

...

“I’m sorry, Lenny”

“Dal...”

“He loves you. He can be a complete idiot but he loves you and no one will ever love you better”

“Why are you...?”

“Because I know what he wants. I know what makes him happy and that’s you”

“But-“

“I was safe! I think he was scared that you’d change your mind once you got to know him. He’s never thought himself good enough for you and I was...there. He’s loved you all this time Lenny, there’s no place in his heart for anyone else”

“He’s more than good enough for me... I thought he knew that”

“I guess you’ll have to tell him again”

“Thank you, Dal”

...

“Because I was there when Aaron left. I know what it cost you to step back and let him go. And I hate my self” BJ clenched his fists to force back the tears.

“I hate myself for hurting you. I never meant to”
“Brendon...”

“I’ve waited so long for you. So long. All that time waiting for you to see me, for something to happen. And when it finally happened and you were mine, I knew I was the luckiest guy on the planet. I could have lost everything but you and still been happy. And I know I fucked up. But Lenny that’s not because I love you any less. And I promise you I’ll never forget again”

“Forget what?”

“What you are to me”

“What am I, Brendon?”

“Everything” the tears fell.

“You are everything”

...

“I wanted to thank you both...” BJ looked up. Nick was looking at him, blue eyes clear of anger and disappointment and anything else that had been directed at him in the past few weeks. Justin, on the other hand was not looking at him at all but BJ knew he was listening. Justin was quick to anger but also quick to forgive.

“I know what I did was...” BJ sighed. The right words were so hard to come by.

“I’m sorry I...” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

“Hope you were more coherent with Lenny and Dal” Justin said. He still wasn’t looking at him but he wasn’t yelling or angry and maybe he didn’t hate him anymore.

“I don’t want you to hate me!”

Justin and Nick both looked up, surprised.

“I know I’ve lost your trust and I’ll do whatever I can to get it back. I want us to be friends again...if that’s possible” he finished in a small voice.

“We don’t hate you, BJ” Nick said gently.

“You might be an idiot but we know you’d never hurt anyone intentionally. And Dal, although he rarely acts it, is an adult and is responsible for his own actions” Justin said, moving to stand next to Nick. They were smiling.

“BJ, you’re our friend, whatever idiot things you do”

“But if you mess up again, remember, I know where you live” Justin said with a serious face that split in to a wide grin a moment later.

BJ laughed. He had his friends back.

...

Dal was sitting on a side bench when he found him, bags packed next to his feet. BJ sat down next to him.

“Dal-“

“Don’t say anything”

When Dal looked at him there was a small smile on his face.

“You don’t have to say anything, BJ”

BJ felt the tears prickling at the back of his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself.

“Thank you, Dal. For everything. I’ve never known anyone like you”

Dal grinned and leaned forward to hug him.

“Good luck. Don’t mess it up, okay?”

Dal pulled back as a car pulled up next to the curb. BJ frowned at the car and looked back at Dal.

“Where are you going?”

Just then the passenger side window of the car rolled down and Justin leaned out from the driver’s seat. He nodded at BJ and looked at Dal.

“Let’s go, Dal”

Dal stood up and picked up his bags.

“Justin’s farm. He says it’ll do me good to get some fresh country air”

“Nick?”

“Nick’s got unfinished captaincy duties, he’s gonna come down later but we’ve gotta get going if we want to make it before dark” Justin said.

Dal shouldered his bags and stopped to look at BJ.

“Goodbye, BJ”

BJ smiled.

“See you later, Dal”

...

“I love you” Lenny touched BJ’s face gently.

BJ stood still, he didn’t want to do anything to ruin this moment.

“Don’t ever think that I don’t love you as much as you love me, Brendon...”

All the shades of green in Lenny’s eyes were so vivid in the light of the Sun. BJ couldn’t look away.

Lenny leaned forward and kissed him.

The End.

Never too late.

I think I wrote all of this in one go...so the quality might not be what it should be :D

He’d only just walked in to the hotel lobby when he was engulfed. Hugs and cries of ‘congratulations’ were all he was aware of.

“Thanks guys” he said when he could finally untangle himself. Everyone was there. Nick, Justin, Matt and Dal. All except...

“Where’s Brendon?”

The smiles faded just a little.

“Umm...not sure. He...er...disappeared right after...well...” Justin looked pleadingly at Nick.

“I’m sure he’ll be back before dinner” Nick said helpfully.

- - -

BJ was at the bar, sitting by himself. Lenny went to join him. He hadn’t seen BJ since he got to the hotel.

“Brendon” he greeted sitting down on the seat next to him.

BJ gulped down the vodka before looking at him.

“You’re getting married” BJ’s voice was rough like he’d being shouting or crying. Lenny wasn’t sure how to respond.

“Yeah”

BJ looked away.

“Brendon, are you-“

BJ turned to Lenny suddenly, a huge smile on his face.

“Congratulations”

Then BJ got up and walked away.

- - -

They watched BJ making a run for it out to the balcony of the restaurant.

“That’s not good” Justin commented.

“We should have known this was gonna happen” Matt said, chewing on a piece of bread.

“But now? BJ has great timing” Dal shook his head in despair.

Nick sighed.

“Okay. Dal, go talk to BJ. I’ll see how Lenny’s doing”

“Errr..Nick?” Justin indicated with his head. Nick turned around to see Lenny following BJ out to the balcony.

- - -

BJ was leaning over the balcony, looking out at the city, shoulders hunched against the cold. Lenny settled his jacket around his shoulders.

“Thanks” BJ murmured.

Lenny joined him at the railing.

“What’s going on, Brendon?”

BJ turned around to look at him.

I’m going to lose him anyway.

He took a deep breath.

He held Lenny’s eyes as he leaned forward to kiss him.

“What are you...? Brendon, what?”

I’ve lost him now.

BJ walked away.

- - -

“I’ve lost him now, haven’t I?” BJ asked Nick, who had found him outside sitting on the wet grass.

“He probably hates me now. I’ve fucked up the whole team” BJ continued as the elevator continued to climb.

“You’ve got to talk to him, BJ. You can’t leave this as it is”

BJ sighed.

“I know”

- -

Lenny was looking at him with those great dark eyes and BJ didn’t even know where to start.

“Why, Brendon?”

BJ laughed. Of all the questions.

“Because I’m in love with you. I know I’m such a moron ‘cos I waited till you got engaged. But it’s not like it would have made a difference anyways, is it? I just...please don’t hate me, Len!”

“I’m engaged, Brendon”

“I know. I know. I... can you just forget anything happened? I’ll never bring this up again. We can just go back to the way things were.” BJ looked up at Lenny.

“Len..if you weren’t engaged...would you...?”

“I need some air” Lenny walked out.

- - -

“Why didn’t he tell me?” Lenny sat down heavily on Justin’s bed.

“I mean...he said...I didn’t...I didn’t know”

“It was sort of obvious” Dal said, earning a look from Nick.

“I mean... BJ isn’t the most subtle...for all of us looking from the outside” he clarified.

“All this time, he waited until I got engaged”

‘Wouldn’t have made a difference though, would it?” Justin asked.

Lenny looked at him.

“Lenny? You...Oh my God! You too? Why the fuck didn’t you say anything?”

“Doesn’t matter now, does it? It’s too late”

“Too late? If you love him-“

‘I love Tamara, I’m engaged to her”

“Yes but you obviously feel something for BJ. You should tell him”

“Why? What good will it do, when nothing can come out of it?”

“BJ trusted his heart to you, even when he knew it’d be broken. It’s the least you can do, to let him know that his love is not in vain”

...

“I wish you would have told me a week ago, a month ago...years ago. Brendon...”

“What are you...? What do you mean?”

Lenny stepped forward and touched BJ’s face with gentle fingers.

“I can’t betray her, Brendon. I love her”

BJ could have sworn Lenny’s eyes were shining.

“This is all I can give you”

Lenny touched his lips to BJ’s. And BJ kissed him back.

The tears had spilled from Lenny’s eyes when they drew apart.

“We could have been amazing” BJ whispered, touching the tear tracks on Lenny’s face.

Lenny smiled.

Yeah, they could have been.