Part V
He watches Billy's face fall as whoever is on the phone continues. He doesn't realise he has moved until he feels Luke's hand clasped around his wrist. Luke hasn't even looked up. When he looks back at Billy he sees Cameron and Cooper gathered around him. Billy is shaking his head and then he glances up. Straight at Johnathan, their eyes meeting across the hall.
"Sit the fuck down, JT" Luke says. And the moment is broken and Billy is gone.
---
Billy isn't at dinner and Johnathan feels the gnawing worry in his heart grow. After dinner he manages to track down Cooper just outside the dormitory hall. Cooper doesn't like him, Johnathan knows but he has to know.
"Is Billy...is he alright?"
Cooper glares at him.
"Why the fuck do you care?"
"Please Cooper, just...tell me if he's okay?"
Cooper looks at him, a quizzical expression on his face. Then he laughs, shaking his head.
"What?"
"You should tell him"
"What?"
Cooper gives him a look that clearly says 'idiot'.
"That you love him"
"I don't-"
"You should see yourself man! It's true and you know it. So stop lying to yourself. Stop playing with his heart and just admit it!"
"Cooper-"
"Do you even know how lucky you are?"
"Lucky?"
"You're the luckiest guy on the planet, Johnathan. If only you'd open your eyes and see it!"
"I'm anything but lucky, Cooper"
"Don't be an idiot JT. He's the most amazing person I know and I don’t know why but he loves you. He'd do anything for you. Some people would do anything to have what you have"
"Cooper.…
"No. Shut up! His brother's been in an accident. Nothing serious but Billy will be back tomorrow sometime. Don't waste this, okay? You can't live your whole life in someone else's shadow"
----
He pushes JT hard against the wall and hears the soft thump as his head hit the plaster. He follows, gripping his hand in JT's hair and holding him against the wall. JT tries to push at him but he is stronger. He has always been stronger.
"Are you fucking him?" he asks, voice low.
"Let me go" JT pleads.
He tightens his grip on JT's hair and feels a moment of satisfaction as JT winces in pain.
"Tell me the truth"
"Please, Luke"
He grips JT's face with his free hand, holding the big green eyes.
"You're mine"
---
Johnathan wakes up when he feels a body slide in beside him on the bed. He tenses as Luke wraps an arm around him and pulls him closer.
"JT?"
His head still hurt from where it had hit the wall.
"Don't be angry at me...please, JT" Luke whispers softly, his fingers moving gently across Johnathan's skin.
He feels Luke shift after a moment as he props up on an elbow.
"JT…"
He turns his face away but Luke turns his head back towards him with his free hand.
"Hey, look at me, come on"
And he does. Because this is Luke and he has never been able to hold out against him. He can see the outline of Luke's body in the dark.
Luke leans down and kisses him gently.
"I'm sorry I hurt you" Luke whispers.
"How could you think that I'd do that to you?" he asks, his voice betraying his hurt.
Luke kisses him again.
"I know. I'm sorry. I just...I don't want to lose you"
"You're all I've got, Luke" he whispers and when Luke straddles him and kisses him with more purpose, he smiles against his lips and ignores the dull ache in the back of his head.
---
He tries to avoid Billy the next day. He doesn't want his life to become any more complicated. But it hurts, hurts to see Billy's face fall when he doesn't sit with him in class. He hardens his heart and ignores Cooper Cronk glaring at him and tries to convince himself that this is for the best. He should have known it wasn't going to work. Billy catches up with him on his was to lunch.
"What's going on, Jay?"
He avoids Billy's eyes.
"Nothing"
"You're avoiding me! What happened? What did he do?"
"Please, Billy...we can't…."
"Don't, Jay! Don't let him control you like this. You-"
"Didn't you hear what he just said? He doesn't want anything to do with you! So get lost!" Luke appears from nowhere, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him closer.
Billy glances at Luke, then looks back at Johnathan.
"Jay…"
Billy is looking at him with those big, dark eyes and he remembers that day when they had first met. When he'd kissed this boy because he couldn't help it when he looked at him with such beautiful eyes.
"Billy-"
"Let's go, JT" Luke steers him away. Away from Billy and his heart breaks at the hurt he sees on Billy's face.
---
"Hey, how's your brother?"
Billy glances at him and away.
"You're talking to me now?"
It hurts to hear the harshness in Billy's voice.
"Billy...I'm sorry, I just…"
"What, Jay? You just what? I don't know what you-" Billy stops himself.
"I don't want my life to get anymore complicated, Billy. He's all I've got"
"No!" Billy almost yells.
"No, Jay"
He doesn't move when Billy reaches out a hand to touch his face.
"That's not true. Not anymore"
Billy kisses him gently.
"You've got me"
To be continued...
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