My Own Two Hands

The sea it swells like a sore head
And the night it is aching
Two lovers lie with no sheets on their bed
And the day it is breaking

---

Johnathan watched Billy on the field. He was passing around a ball with Cooper. His Billy. If he could, he would spend every moment of his life with him.

---

Billy traced his fingers over the lines of ink. Johnathan's wings, spread over the broad expanse of his back. Billy traced his way over both wings, occasionally pausing to press his lips against the smooth dark skin. He knew Johnathan was awake, could feel him almost purring under his hands. Billy grinned to himself. He loved this. Loved having Johnathan under his power.

---

Car alarm won't let you back to sleep
You're kept awake dreaming someone else's dream
Coffee is cold, but it'll get you through
Compromise, that's nothing new to you

---
Johnathan sat up gingerly. His whole body hurt and he knew there would be bruises. This was the price he had to pay. To have the life he wanted. It didn't used to bother him before and the bruises always faded. But now he had Billy and he hated this. Hated the voice in his heart that told him he was betraying Billy.

---

Billy watched the video in horror. The remote fell from his nerveless fingers. He didn't care. Wasn't aware of anything but the images on the TV screen. Because that was Johnathan on the screen. Billy knew those wings better than Johnathan himself. But he didn’t know who the other man was. The man who had Johnathan pinned against the bed, rocking hard against him. He could see Johnathan's hands clutching at the man's back and knew the exact sounds Johnathan would be making so close to the edge.

He felt the tears stinging his eyes and wiped at them harshly. He'd dared to fall in love, given his heart to Johnathan and Johnathan had thrown it back in his face.
He picked up the remote and threw it at the TV, which sparked and died. He collapsed on the couch, curled up and finally gave in to despair.

---

Johnathan had just come out of the shower when he got the call. He was not aware of anything until he found himself on the first flight down to Melbourne with nothing but the clothes on his back. Time passed by in flashes and gets to the Alfred hospital just running on autopilot. Cooper punched him in the face when he found them and would have kept going if Cam hadn't held him back. He didn't understand until Cam took him to see Billy and then Johnathan forgot about everything else. About Cooper, distraught and murderous in the background, about Cam standing silently by his side.
Billy was so pale. There were bags of blood suspended above him, trying to replace the blood he had lost. Cam told him about the video quietly and Johnathan could only listen in horror as Cooper called him a low life and asked him why he was even there.

---

"I love him."

"Tell it someone who cares, you selfish bastard!"

"I'm sorry, Cooper. I'm so sorry. I'd never hurt him. I never meant this…"

"No? Billy loved you. And you were fucking someone else. Of course you didn't mean to hurt him! Just leave. No one wants you here!"

"Please…"

"Please what? He could have died! We were almost too late! But he's alive by some miracle. Do you really think he'd want to see you when he wakes up? Do you think it'll help him to remember why he's in here? Why don't you just go away and leave us in peace. You've done enough damage already"

---

Johnathan stayed. Until he was sure Billy would wake up. He knew it was time to go when the doctors confirmed that Billy was not in mortal danger anymore.

He tentatively reached out a hand and touched Billy's wrist, wrapped in layers of white gauze. This was the first time he'd touched Billy since he got here two days ago. And it would be his last. Billy had been the best thing in his life and he'd gone and ruined it all. Almost killed Billy in the process. Cooper was right. He'd done enough damage.

"I love you," he whispered, "I know you'll hate me. I know you'll be right to do that but just...please don't forget", he kissed Billy's forehead, "I love you more than anyone".

---

You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
If the sky can crack, there must be some way back
For love and only love


To be continued.
The song is Electrical storm by U2. Much thanks to Yellowleaf for beta-ing. And for the music :)